Friday, July 25, 2014

It's difficult to limit my posts to one subject.

  Especially when there are so many things happening in the world that all of us want to change.
 One of those things that comes to mind is parents leaving their children in hot cars in the heat of the summer to bake in the sun until death finally overtakes them.
   I can't imagine the suffering these children go through. No, these parents aren't evil  however, they're guilty of being negligent. Their greatest punishment will be living with that negligence for the rest of their lives. People will forgive but will they be able to forgive themselves?
   We all have stress in life, perhaps they are distracted by their busy lives and their many problems. They don't intentionally leave their children in the car, yet there they are. Some meant to just be a minute and had every intention of a quick return to the car only to get distracted by something that came up. Some forget their child is left behind in the back seat. A very few mentally ill parents do this on purpose because they are mentally ill.
   What ever the reason for a child to be left in a hot car is not acceptable under any circumstances.
 Too many children have died this horrible death. Too many parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family members and friends are suffering from the loss of these children being gone forever.
Everyone of us has to do something about this problem.
 I suggest anytime we see a child left in a car, summer or winter, we take action, do something about it. I know many don't want to get involved, some are afraid they will be told to mind their own business, Some fear retaliation etc..
   We need to put our big girl and big boy pants on and speak up, speak out. You could save a child's life. You could save that  parent and their family from a lifetime of suffering.
    Let's make it our business to get involved. Call the police, social services, tell people walking by, go into the nearest store and tell people in the store their is a child in a hot car by themselves. Someone will take action.  Maybe that child they save will be yours.

Friday, May 9, 2014

What affects are your arguing and fighting making on your children?

   The answer is easy, it creates stress and anger in your child that will surface sooner or later. This stress will last a life time until they get counseling from a professional. At first, if parents are paying attention, they will see a far away, glazed look on their child's face while parents are fighting. The child may not speak a word, they can't because they are too frightened. They're little nervous systems are now being affected. That look, is their child going to a safe place in their head. Away from mom and dad arguing and fighting with each other.
   They never get used to the fighting, each fight or argument is like the first.  Because a child doesn't protest, the fighting,  parents forget their children are even in the room listening and becoming emotionally affected by what they're hearing and seeing. Parents are fighting over money, jealousy, lack of communication, relatives, you name it; they argue about it.all.
   On the surface, it might look like everything is OK, but don't count on it. I promise your children are being changed forever and that change will determine what kind of girlfriend or spouse they choose in life. You are shaping and molding their choices in these moments.

   All parents argue, but not in front of their children. It isn't their fight. Woman up, man up, mom up, dad up. Don't fight and argue in front of your children You are doing irreparable harm, you will leave them broken and others will have to pick up the pieces you chiseled away.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Sometimes we haven't a clue why we react the way we do; however, there is a reason if we can figure it out.

This is a true story and one I haven't shared before. I share it today because perhaps it will help one or more of you.
   When I was a young adult, my mother loved to go to Spa Day for a massage. She loved massages, and said they made her feel so wonderful, so refreshed. We were on our way to Palm Springs for the weekend and when we arrived she talked about how excited she was to book her massage. She insisted I too have a massage. I had never had one and it made her so happy so I agreed.
   This was to be a new experience for me and I was anxious to see why she liked them so much.
My mother was escorted to one room and I to another. I was told to disrobe and lay on the table. I thought to myself what a small room it was and I was feeling a little claustrophobic  when suddenly the door opened and a woman walked in with towels over her arm and a smile on her face.  She instructed me to turn onto my stomach and almost immediately I felt her hands on my lower leg. Before she even touched me, I started to feel anxious and uncomfortable but I didn't know why. My mother said this was going to be a wonderful experience?
   My anxiety was building and I couldn't stop it; I wanted to, but I had no control. Sound familiar?
Now I was stuck on this table in this small room and all I could think about was jumping off this table and leaving. In my head I could hear myself screaming "STOP!" but only in my head. I told myself to relax but I couldn't. She pushed the towel towards my upper thigh so she could massage my upper leg and the further up she went the more anxious I became. Now the towel was to the bottom of  my buttock. I couldn't handle it anymore and I told her to stop!, I repeated stop!
   She asked if there was anything wrong. How do I tell a perfect stranger what I didn't understand myself. The only thing I knew for sure was that I couldn't stand her hands on me. I lied and told her nothing was wrong. I felt like jumping out of my skin. Her touch gave me the creeps just like when I was being sexually abused as a child.. I apologized to her and told her I guess massages just weren't for me.
    My mother finished her massage and came out glowing and happy. I was perplexed and wondered what was wrong with me. Why I did I react that way?
    A few years later, when I was forced to face the recurring nightmares, I figured it out.
   As a child I had no choice and no voice in being sexual abused. I couldn't stop the predators hands on me. My no's we heard as yes. I had no power, no control.  The thought of a stranger putting their hands on me made me experience triggers from the past.
   Now it all made sense to me,  I decided we're all different and it's OK if massages aren't comfortable for me. This is one of the many ways I was changed from the abuse.
 
 You all have your own stories, stories I hope you will share with the rest of us. It's the only way we will get answers as to why we are the way we are without being so hard on ourselves. Addressing our feelings and fears will only make us stronger as survivors.
   
  
   

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Can we really make a difference?

  Sometimes it seems we can't reach the children who are being sexually abused. We want to help, we see their pain and because we have been there, we know what they are feeling, it's frustrating.
   It takes people who care, who want there to be changes to laws to protect the innocent, but laws can be ambiguous at times. The schools are too busy to take notice of a child's internal emotional hurt that they are feeling inside. Children think they are the only one going through this torture. They question whether they did something wrong. They want to tell, but they are too afraid. Will they get into trouble. Will the abuser find out they told someone at school? Will their mother hate them? Will their father be disappointed?
   So many unanswered questions. Sometimes the sadness takes them over and they stop smiling. They feel no joy. Some get depressed and don't even know it because they are too busy worrying about the next time they are going to be abused. I remember quickly turning onto my stomach as if that would protect me, yet it never did.
   Many times this abuse happens because parents are clueless. They second guess themselves, and talk themselves into trusting the neighbor the uncle, or whoever the predator might be. The doubt was there, yet they rationalized until the doubt went away. It's too horrible for them to comprehend. After all, it's their relative, or someone who has been a good neighbor to them. Someone who went the extra mile to be a good friend to their family. They are so good at what they do, but they are deceivers. They get your trust with the intention of harming your child. In some cases the parents are victims too. They were deceived because they were trusting.
   When you let your child go to a friends home, do you check to see who is in that home? Do you tell your child they can always talk to you and they can tell you anything? Does anyone in their friends home scare them? Is their behavior different when they come home from a friends house? Do they not want to eat suddenly? Do they look sad for no reason? Have they become reclusive?
   We are all so busy with our lives and many are struggling with this economy just to make ends meet. We might not be as observant as we used to be, which is what the predators are hoping for.
   No matter what is happening in your life, you can't afford to take your eyes off your most prized gift and that is your child. Money, material things, etc. will never give you the joy your child or children will give you in your life. They are counting on you to save them from what 60 million survivors in American have experienced.
  

Saturday, October 26, 2013

The crime of sexual abuse touches all of your family.

   When children are sexually abused, fathers don't know what to do with their anger. They want to rip the predator apart. They will now carry an anger with them where ever they go. That anger will infiltrate their current and future relationships with everyone. Fathers feel they failed their son or daughter. They can't get that record out of their head that repeats, "I should have protected my innocent child."

   Mothers feel guilt, and the same record plays in their head as well. Their child was sexually abused and they had no clue. They ask themselves how this could have happened to their family. From this day forward, they will not be able to forgive themselves. Every time they look in their child's eyes, or the mirror, they will see one thing and one thing only, their failure to protect their innocent child.  Sounds like a very unpleasant sentence because it is.

  No matter how much well wishes try to comfort these mothers and father, no matter how many times these kind people tell them it's not their fault,  it is certain these parents will feel this guilt until the day they die.  I can't judge whether these people knew or should have known; only they can answer that question. Each child abuse case is different. If you are convinced your parents knew you were about to be abused then chances are, they knew. I trust you and your instincts.

   Some parents will be accused of knowing, yet they didn't have a clue. Predators are very good at deceiving those around them and they convince parents their love for their victim is sincere.

   No one tells parents they should fell embarrassed when child sexual abuse is revealed in a family, yet embarrassed is what they feel. Parents can't help their children until they shed those feelings of embarrassment. A child can see or sense their parents embarrassment without a spoken word.. This makes a child feel very bad about themselves. It makes them feel they have done something wrong, something to make their parents feel ashamed of them. They feel their perfect little family has fallen from grace.
  
I say, that shame and embarrassment belongs to the predators in the world, not the VICTIMS. This leaves families broken and they all need therapy to heal.
  
   Those parents who can't grab you and say how sorry they are that the abuse happened and how much they love you, or worse yet, deny your child sexual abuse ever happened, let them go for the time being. You won't convince them of something they are trying so hard to deny. Their brains can't comprehend this devastation. Let them go and pray someday they will get it.
  
  Surround yourself with people who do understand and are so sorry this happened to you.
  
 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

To my Predator;

   October 17, 2013


   You taught me how to cry, so no one would hear,
    I learned not to trust when anyone got near.
 
    You're a thief in the night, you sneak around and
     say, " Trust me little one, everything will be OK."

     My tummy in knots fore I know not to believe, yet
     I'm powerless to protect myself, I know you're
     about to deceive.

     Your deed is so horrifying, I go to another place, a
     place that feels better, and somewhat safe. When your
     violation of me is over, I snap back in place, I'm
     grateful to God for His gift of grace.
    
     I was not alone, God allowed me to be, somewhere else
     for a period of time and He was with me.

     I would never be the same after that day, you and you
     alone changed me in every way. While you were a robber that
     came in the night, you also crushed, my spirit from sight.

     I survived what you did, I found my unwavering faith.
     I forgive you Uncle, but make no mistake, I will never forget.
    
     Written by: Linda Ann
    
    
 
   

Saturday, September 14, 2013

To all those who have been sexually abused as children;

   There will be people, family members, acquaintances who will say to you, the abuse couldn't have happened. That you were not abused, you are confused, you are lying etc. etc.  They might even say, If you had been abused, you would have told them when it happened etc. People who say these things know nothing about sexually abused children. If they did they would know that many sexually abused children don't tell anyone because they are too scared. It's common for the abused to block it out until they are older, or maybe they remember but choose not to tell anyone. They simply put the abuse in the back of their brain and hope it will go away. They don't realize the abuse will effect every relationship in their life.
    Some are in denial because they are embarrassed, some feel guilty, some just don't want to believe it's true. They will even accuse you of wanting attention.  In a way their denial is another form of abuse.
  Ignore these ignorant people, because you will never convince them of the truth.

  Move forward and don't look back. Try to forgive them and if you can't that's OK too, at least you tried. Live your life in the most positive way you can. Release the past and live in the present and look forward to the future.
   It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you know the truth and that is all that matters.
  Our job now is to do what we can to help little children so they don't fall prey to the many predators out there. Keep your eyes open, and be aware of your surroundings. Predators love to go to parks with small puppies to entice children to come over to see the puppy. I have seen this at parks and have parked my car, and let them know I was watching them.  If you see someone approaching a child and it doesn't feel right to you, call the authorities and perhaps you will save a child from a lifetime of sorrow.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Which one are you?

Living with anyone can be difficult, your spouse, your children, your parents, your roommate. There are givers and there are takers. The givers must learn to take, and the takers must learn to give. Which one are you?

Thursday, September 5, 2013

We don't know, what we don't know.

   Instead of asking the American people what our government should do, how about asking the Syrian citizens what they want the United States to do. We make assumptions, we think we know who is doing what but that isn't true. Will sending bombs now help those that have been gassed? Will it stop Assad from using more gas on the citizens?
 Who used the gas? Was the plan all along to send Bombs to Syria and then Iran would retaliate and bomb Israel? Isn't it strange we told Assad when, where, and what kind of bombs we will be sending?  So many questions and so few answers.
   We wonder why people hate us. Why they think we are arrogant.
This is my opinion; We shouldn't do anything without the approval of the United Nations, We are only one voice but collectively we have a big voice which is what makes others pay attention and listen. The dictators and their greed are falling and the people want freedom and choice. It's a process and one that takes a long time. In this process, people will die. It's sad but it's true. The only thing that will help is citizens wanting a change, wanting a voice.

 It breaks my heart to see these men young and old fighting from buildings and  in the streets. I'm sure their hearts are beating out of their chests with fear. They want to fight for their families and loved ones so they can have a better life. They have lived in fear far too long. Freedom is worth fighting for and their voices need to be heard. They need honest free elections and so do we. The cheating has got to stop. It should be the will of the people and the majority should rule. If people don't like the majority, they should move somewhere else where they do agree with the majority.
   I will continue to pray for the United States, all countries and all people who want freedom of choice.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Our court system

   You may agree or disagree with our courts decisions, but a verdict is the final say. Paula Deen was exonerated and I have no doubt she has learned from this experience.
    I think all her sponsors should start supporting her again. They got the answers to their questions. Not enough evidence to find her guilty. With that being said, she should not lose all she has worked for in her life. Only jealous or envious people would want that for her.
  I know some people born in the south learned from their parents that it was OK to call others names, people who were different than themselves..  They thought name calling was right or acceptable when it was wrong and inappropriate. Calling African American people names is wrong and shameful. it may mean nothing to some but it hurts people who were told they weren't as good or as important as white people. God created us all equal, and we are the ones who divide and separate  from each other. Trying to put others down, denigrating them, calling names shows insecurity and boosts ones ego temporarily. This is now not then, it's now, so lets change and rewrite the present and future. Let's have respect all human beings no matter where they are from, or what color their skin color. Let's be roll models for our children and grandchildren.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I believe in Angels and this is a true story.

   The reason I believe in Angels is because one came into my Golf Store at what could have been my demise that day. We wonder why particular things happen to us, and sometimes we may not have those answers.
    It was a rather warm summer day when I was working in our Golf Store in Prescott, AZ.
   I was working alone that day which was not at all that unusual. It was a small store in a shopping center so working alone never really bothered me. I looked up as a man in his early 40's was walking into the store. The store was long and narrow where sets of Golf Clubs were displayed on both sides of the walls.
In the middle of the store were racks with clothing, and Golf Bags were displayed as well.
   The moment I looked up at this man, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. There wasn't a soul in the store but the two of us. Since I believe our eyes are the window to our souls, I looked directly at him and noticed his eyes were black, not something you see often. To say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement. The man approached the right side of the counter where we had golf grips displayed in bins. He looked at me and then his eyes scanned the door directly behind me to the small restroom. My heart started to race, and I could feel my rapid heart beats. Very unusual for me. The only other thing that scared me like that was large crawling insects. If you read my book you will see why bugs are a phobia for me.
   As the man with the black eyes was scanning the door to the bathroom, I was scanning just how close I was to the telephone on my desk and wondering if I could dial faster than he could get to me from behind the counter to stop me. To be honest I wasn't feeling terribly confident at this point.
You see, his eyes were evil, yes pure evil and my knees were starting to feel weak. I told myself to suck it up and be strong.
  Now he was glancing at the grips and his attention quickly went back to me. I knew without a doubt this could go very wrong so I walked over to a 2 iron I had leaning up against the counter and I wiggled it a bit to show him I wasn't going down without a fight. As I moved the 2 iron in my hand, I decided to look him straight in the eye to show I had no fear of him. The problem was he didn't back away or back down as I had hoped; instead he stood his ground he continued to give me this evil look. OK, now I was completely terrified. Our instincts are such a gift from God. I knew this guy could completely over power me if he wanted and it was time to call in reinforcements. it was time to Pray.
   My prayer went like this; "God, I'm completely terrified. You have always been there for me and I have relied on you and only you. I ask for your help at this moment because I don't know what to do. In Jesus name I pray." Just then the man asked me how much the grips were, no smile no expression, nothing. I answered and knew it was a diversion on his part. He couldn't take his eyes off me, it was so bizarre.
   I felt he was going to try and get me into the bathroom. What I knew was, I wasn't going down without a fight, after all I had my 2 iron. The reason I didn't call 911 is because the man hadn't done anything yet. What could I say? A man with black eyes is in my store, he's looking at grips and he is evil? The evil in this man was clear. I can't tell you how I know that, but I did. Something told me not to dial a number because I would have to concentrate on the buttons and that is when he would make a move for me. I learned a long time ago to listen to those instincts.
   I decided just in case God was busy I had better ask just one more time for insurance sake. As I was getting ready for that follow-up request, A tall robust young man maybe in his late thirties walked in my store. He had huge muscles and his short sleeves were tight around his upper arms. This was a very small town where people knew each other but that day I can honestly say I had never seen either of these two men before. I looked at this young man and saw the complete opposite of the man at the counter. My god this man practically had a halo over his head. I felt at peace, at ease and I somehow knew he was an angel. As I came from behind the counter to approach my new customer Mr. Angelman, I glanced over at Mr. Evil and he looked angry. I asked my new customer if I could help him and I never heard a word he said. I was busy thanking Jesus. I was now closer to the front door and could escape if necessary; I was so relieved.
   I knew I had to keep his man here, if he walked out before Mr. evil I would be right back where I started only closer to the front door. I began to talk about the sets of clubs and didn't stop until Mr. Evil got restless and decided to walk out. Not long after the man thanked me for the tour and he too left. It took me a hot second to lock the door, reflect on what had just happened, and be ever so grateful for my faith in God.

    Shortly after this incident, I learned that the man in my store that day lived in California and had murdered a girl.  After he murdered her, he put her in a freezer chest and put that chest in a moving truck. He then drove to Prescott Valley where his mothered lived. This was also my neighborhood. He hooked the truck up to an electric outlet outside. One night a couple in the neighborhood was out for their evening walk and thought the cord coming from the truck was unusual so they alerted the police just in case. Thank God they did because he was the same man that came into my store that day. They caught him and he is in Jail today.

 Lesson is, listen to those feelings they are a gift from God.
  
 
  

  

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Does anyone really think;

a young man  would rather get money from the government instead of landing a good decent job where he can bring home the bacon so to speak? Do you think he doesn't want his wife to look at him with admiration and respect because he stepped up and is the provider for the family, even if she works too. Does this administration and others, really think men in this country  don't want to provide for their families? Perhaps you think our young men like to look in the mirror every month and say "Wow, I got free money from the government this month. Really? There will always be a small percentage of people both men and women who do in fact like not working and do like getting that free check every month, but they are not the majority of the people. I'm referring to the majority of men, no matter what color they are because color makes no difference unless you want it to make a difference. I don't believe in dividing people, I believe in bringing people together. Even when others try to divide us.
    For the most part it's degrading, it doesn't feel good, it isn't uplifting, it erodes ones self-esteem, because most people would rather have opportunities, choices, and goals for their future. So stop using that small percentage of people who like getting something for nothing because they are not the norm, and start a dialog about the rest of the folks who want a good job, want to make their own choices, and decide what their future is going to be. Now these people are not lazy, they are victims of a government who has spent our money foolishly, wasted our money on bad investments and choices.  They give money to countries that hate and want to kill us. They don't treat everyone equal, they bail out the wrong people who don't know how to run businesses.  They reward those that agree and vote with them and punish those who disagree and don't vote for them.
   They try to intimidate everyone, even those in politics, who want to be free thinkers and make decisions for themselves. Those that actually work for the people they represent.
 
I know it must be difficult to go against the hand that feeds you, like this administration and big unions. Especially if you are a teacher or auto worker. But how does it really feel when you are getting special treatment and others you know are not, simply because you belong to the the union, and the union protects you. They know without a doubt, they have your vote.  Here's a thought; if we paid our teachers more money, money they deserve, they wouldn't need the unions.

   There are workers in other industries that in my opinion and in the opinion of others, are getting too much money, but, they're in the union and they will be protected. It might sound like I think unions are worthless but that wouldn't be true. I think unions have their place, like when employers are not treating their employees fairly. Perhaps paying their employees too little, abusing them is some other fashion. Without the unions, I understand employers would just fire workers that ask for more money and hire more workers willing to work for less. It isn't an easy solution because we as a people don't work together. We don't work smart and many are simply out for themselves instead of taking that risk and sticking together until real change is made. That's why we have unions. They do our dirty work for us.
  What I don't get is how tied to the government the unions are. It's just plain wrong and if you are in a union, you shouldn't like it either. You pay a lot of money for your dues, that's money  you should get in your salary.

  You as a citizen of this country should be able to vote for whom ever you want to vote for with zero intimidation from your union or government workers. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. The people can make their unions be whatever they want them to be. Honest and fair is a good start. Never forget the words, "We the people"
  I personally don't think people who join a union should get different rights from the rest of the American people. I don't think the government should pay for their health insurance, or give them different plans from what the rest of the citizens get. I don't think union members should be exempt from anything the rest of the citizens are offered.. I always thought congress should have the same health care all the rest of Americans must use. If it's good enough for the people, it's good enough for our government and the unions because they are no different than anyone else.
  I'm so done with this mentality, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. It's rather disgusting. Something else that is disgusting is company employees taking gifts from vendors, planning special trips and getaways for  those few executives who feel they are entitled to waste the companies money on their extravagant desires like hookers,  expensive champagne and hotels.

I do believe in taking care of the children, because no child should go hungry or be denied an education. I also believe in taking care of the elderly because they are the backbone of this Country.

Many of whom have helped by being caregivers to their grandchildren and mentors to the younger generations. All this without ever asking for, or demanding your vote.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

What puzzles me is;

     How and why do some wives, protect their spouses when it is revealed their husbands are child molesters, predators etc? How is it parents are inclined to disbelieve evidence that their son or daughter is a child predator when they are given clear evidence and solid proof?
     Families protect their family members and refuse to believe the evidence. Priests don't want to believe other priests could do such things to children, Yet, victim after victim came forward to testify.
  Why do we have this desire to protect our religions reputation over the pain that was inflected on a  child.
   Why do we want to protect our family members reputation over the pain they caused a child by sexually abusing them.
   Why do some want to preserve the reputation of a coach because he's popular instead of the life time of pain that coach caused children when he was sexually assaulting them.
    So many in denial for the sake of a reputation, a family member, their own image. It's beyond sad,  that we refuse to talk about the sexual abuse of children because it's not comfortable.
   We all need to put on our face of courage, step out of our comfort zones and do what is right.
  No matter where you live, our children deserve to be protected by us. Who will stand up for the children? Start asking your friends and neighbors if they were ever sexually abused. I did and those statistics are correct. One in four females and one in six males were indeed sexual abused before the age of 18. I challenge you to start a dialog with your friends and see how many people you know were abused as children.
  We are protecting the wrong people. It's the children we need to protect, not the people that sexually abused them.

Friday, July 12, 2013

I remember when;

   People could be friends with each other even though they were not the same.  If someone had a different opinion, faith, ethnicity, political affiliation, we could still be friends. but not today.

   Today if you are different from your family members, neighbors or friends, it's difficult at best to be close, to have a relationship with others who think and believe something different than yourself. What I hear from the politicians, is hate the bill if our party didn't write it, don't vote with the opposing party, it might make them look good, etc..If you are like me, you might  wonder why that is. What has changed from years ago? When did this all change?

   When I was a child I heard adults talk about issues and yes even argue about everything from politics to religion yet somehow at the end of the day, they remained friends. Why is that?

   I think what has changed is our information. What we hear, see and read on the Internet. Our political leaders for the past several years have given us the message,"If you are not with me, you are against me." And we bought it hook line and sinker. It's our own fault because we need to start thinking for ourselves. It isn't just one party or the other, it's all the parties, all the special interest groups, it's everywhere and all around us. We are so much better than this. Now we have the movie stars telling you how to think, and vote.
   The entertainment stars have tried to influence us and each other. If you don't think like they think, they would shun you, or try to blacklist you so you don't work. If you are sceptical, just look at the IRS scandal. They gave people non-profit status if you were of a certain party, all others got red tape for years.

  I put all my faith in the people, that they will wake up and think for themselves, develop their own opinions and views on all subjects whether popular or not. No matter what color your skin is, or where you were born because that doesn't matter at all. Don't allow others to divide us.

    When you are on your death bed, I'm sure you are not going to say, "Wow, I'm sure glad I went with that guys opinions and beliefs. Think for yourself and say, " I'm glad I made up my own mind and I take full responsibility for my beliefs and convictions. Don't allow groups, clubs and particular parties make decisions for you.
   
Without the politicians telling us daily how to think and what to believe in, I think we would have diversity on the highest level. People, no matter where you are from, are accepting, loving, and want the same thing. A life filled with love, kindness, and tolerance for each other and our differences.
  They say you can't go back but I believe if we want to create change, we can learn from the past, take what was good and create it for our future and the future of our children. That is called real change.

  

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The tribute to the 19 hotshots.

   As I watched this tribute to the 19 hotshots I sobbed until I had no more tears. The loved ones they have left behind are going to need all the love and support they can get from everyone. The pain will never go away yet somehow they must go on because they have children they have to raise,  they will also need to try and comfort the parents and families of those who lost they lives, all this on top of their own grief and loss.
  
Several years ago my son was in the hotshots in Prescott. My mother and I prayed everyday he would be safe. My son shared a few stories with me and that of course made me worry and pray even more. Watching these families made me realize how incredibly lucky we were, that no harm had come to our son but my heart aches for all those that lost their life and those family members who now have the task of learning to live without these brave young men.

 Prescott is a special place and the community will rally around these families. This tragedy has made all of us realize just how dangerous and what a huge sacrifice these young men and women make. The next time you see a fireman, stop and thank them for their service, they really really appreciate those words.

Monday, June 24, 2013

If you write a true story, tell the truth, the whole truth.

   If you write a non fiction book, if you tell your true story, then for Goodness sakes, tell the truth.
Telling the truth about people you love or loved is an integral part of your story. You can't make people sound flawless when they were young, making mistakes or poor choices, they are called human. No one is perfect, and we were all young at one time over burdened and not perfect. Yet for some people, they take offense to the truth. They would rather pretend their parents didn't make any mistakes or damage them in any way. Pretend all you want, it won't change the past. It isn't disrespectful to tell the truth, it's called being honest and you owe your reader the truth if you are going to write a non fiction story.
   Telling the truth about your family doesn't mean you put yourself above your family although I hope we have all learned from our parents mistakes and therefore have done better for our children. I hope each and every generation does better than the previous generation.
   Pretending your parents were normal and not dysfunctional doesn't make it true. If you don't face and acknowledge the truth you are being dishonest; not just with yourself, but your children and  future generations. Aren't we suppose to learn from each other and from all situations?
   I didn't write my true story to get even with anyone, to dishonor my parents, or to make the remaining family members angry. I wrote my story based on my perception, my experiences, what I saw as a child, what I experienced as a child, and what I learned from the people in my life. I knew I would do things different, and I did.
   Pretending, lying, protecting the image of those who are deceased who were flawed as human beings as we all are, was not part of my book. Forgiving and loving my relatives without judgement was my goal and with the exception of the two who sexually abused me, I was successful.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

We can't prejudge people.

   You can't make assumptions. Their are 60 million survivors of sexual abuse in America; that doesn't mean they all turn out to be predators themselves. For instance, I'm sure there are many Blonde's in that 60 million. Does that mean we should assume all Blonde's are sexual predators. How about left handed people? I'm sure some of those 60 million are left handed, should we then assume all left handed people are sexual predators? It's very hurtful when people raise their eye brow when they learn you were sexually abused. They assume those abused will be abusers. Lesson, don't prejudge people.

   Many of us are Advocates for those who are being or have been sexually abused. Many of us would give our life to protect children from experiencing the pain and sadness we experienced. We were robbed of our childhood.

   The so called experts need to figure out other ways to gather their statistics. I'm sure there are some who were abused who do turn out to be abusers however, with these statistics as high as they are, one could say there are many groups in that 60 million number. How many blonde's turn out to be sexual abusers? How many left handed people turn out to be sexual abusers? How many males turn out to be sexual abusers? How many females turn out to be sexual abusers. How many Priests turned out to be sexual predators? Can we say all Priests turn out to be abusers? No we can't because that would be untrue. So please lets not assume those who were sexually abused all turn out to be abusers themselves because that simply isn't true. Last year at an event,  a PhD told me " All sexually abused children, grow up to be abusers themselves" Yes she said all. I was hurt and devastated by her ignorance. I felt violated yet again, especially because I'm an advocate for all children who are or have been sexually abused like myself. Remember, when someone puts a label on you that doesn't fit, ignore their ignorance and don't let them stop you from doing good things in the world.
  
  

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Think about our children.

Children are vulnerable, trusting, and forgiving. We can choose not to have them but, if we do, lets put their health, happiness, and welfare first.
 If you think walking in your shoes is difficult, try walking in someone else's shoes; especially those you tend to judge.

Friday, April 19, 2013

My heart goes out to all the people;

who relocate to the United States wanting a better life for themselves and their families. Whoever, put bombs on the streets in Boston are not these wonderful people I speak of.
   They are people I frankly don't understand. If they hate the US and all it stands for, why not just stay in their own country?
  We open our borders to these evil people, we educate them, embrace them and they want to kill innocent people, both adults and innocent children who will are now robbed of their life.
   It's not uncommon for some family members of these perpetrators to be in denial, just as I have some family members who are in denial of my telling about what happened in our family when I wrote, "A Child has No Voice."  It's easier for some to deny the truth, then to face the truth. It's easier to want to silence the messenger, than to accept the truth.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

After the first abuse.

   After the first abuse, a child develops an instinct, one in which they didn't have or need to have before the first abuse occurred. So when the second sexual abuse is about to happen, their instincts kick in. They can get a feeling in the pit of their stomach that yells at them, something isn't right and is about to happen. They feel trapped. They feel anxiety, they can sweat, feel sick to their stomach, feel helpless, and they feel an overwhelming fear.
   This is when the predator makes their move. They sense that fear in a child. Empower your child by letting them know they can tell you anything. When you do this you take away the power from the predator.

Watch your child and know where they are at all times. Don't be too trusting with relatives and listen to those instincts God gives you. They mean something and they are gift.

Happy Easter everyone.
Linda Ann

Friday, March 29, 2013

We were taught not to air our dirty linen.

  My linen was aways wet so it needed to be aired. On a more serious note, I'm sure reading the truth in my book, "A Child Has No Voice" does anger or hurt some relatives. Back then years ago, things were very different.
  Children were to be seen and not heard. I wish I had a nickle for every time I heard that saying. One didn't talk about the family secrets like alcoholism or child sexual abuse. They denied any acknowledgement of family members having these problems and let's face it, if they acknowledged the problems they would have to stop having all those family parties where  excessive drinking and bad behavior was the norm, or confront the predator. Back then no one had the courage to do that. Some relatives are stuck in time. They are more comfortable not speaking the truth, that way they can pretend it never happened.
   It is so common for relatives of the abused to say you are lying,  and that the abuse never happened.  I looked around the room when I was being sexually abused and I never saw their faces. No one was their to help me or my sister. I prayed someone would walk in and stop the abuse, but no one came into the room. I think because they were as scared as I was and because they weren't brave enough to take any action against the abuser. Everyone was afraid of him, he was very intimidating.
   Those who are in denial can only focus on one thing,  their denial.
Children who were and are being sexually abused have a right to speak up, and speak out about what happened to them. I was fully prepared for the hate mail I would get from a relative or two when I wrote my true story of what happened to me and my sister when we were children. When you are on the side of truth, the hate mail doesn't matter. When you risk putting yourself out there so you can hopefully make a difference and help others who are or have been through the same thing, you know it's the right thing to do.
   People typically don't lie about being sexually abused as a child. People do typically lie about how many pounds they weigh, their age, or who ate the last cookie on the plate.
   I hope everyone who has been sexually abused as a child will tell their story. It will help you heal and will help others who are in the same kind of pain. Don't worry about the haters, concentrate on helping others who are hurting from sexual abuse. You won't be able to help all 60 million  survivors of sexual abuse in America but you will help some of those survivors and that's all we can hope for.

  Like Dr. Phil says " You can't change what you don't acknowledge." I thought about that statement a great deal while writing my book and I hope you will apply his statement to your life as well.
 
 
  
 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

This will be a tough one for me to talk about.

   I must take my own advice and not do what is easy rather, what is right. Who knows maybe this true story will help young moms and dads, and if it does than it's worth my discomfort.

Speaking for abused children for a moment.
 
 Don't think we come out unscathed from abuse because that assumption would be wrong. Children may not talk to you their parents, or anyone about what is happening to them for various reason. Maybe they are being threatened, maybe they are afraid, etc.

  Parents will see changes, perhaps changes you don't understand. Well neither do the children understand. Suddenly I started sucking my thumb at five which in some way comforted me when no one else  would. I also started to wet the bed. Something I hated about myself  because I didn't have any control over the bed wetting. Years later when I saw Michael Landon's story about his bed wetting I couldn't stop crying, I could relate.

   My aunt had a great deal of influence over my mother. My aunt also had the money, and sometimes with money comes power. My mother struggled financially. So when my aunt suggested we all come to New York for a visit at her expense, my mother agreed. And when that visit was over, my aunt insisted because she didn't have any children of her own and my mother had three, I was to be left behind to live with my aunt for an unspecified amount of time.  My mother really wanted to get home, she had a job to get back to, so it was decided I would be left behind and no one thought it important to tell me until the day my sisters and parents packed  to go back home to Chicago. I too was packed and sitting on an ottoman by the front door. As I stood up to say my goodbye's to my aunt my mother whispered in my ear, " Poor Auntie Sue doesn't have any children of her own. So you are going to stay here and live with her for awhile." my aunt didn't want her sister to leave and I was the bargaining chip that had to be sacrificed. I hated watching my older sisters walk out that door, not to mention my parents. As I said in my book "A Child Has No Voice" this is one of the instances I'm referring to. No one asked me what I thought, I had no voice in this decision.

 I was ridiculed by my aunt in front of her mob boyfriend, the one I liked so much because he was nice to me. If only he had been ugly the whole humiliating experience would have been  much easier, but no he had to look like a movie star. This is the same aunt that hit my sisters and myself with the horses whip as she made us kneel on the floor with our exposed bare behinds because someone touched one of her deck of cards. Never could understand that because at 5 years old I really wasn't into playing bridge or poker. We all knew she was like Auntie Dearest and no one wanted to cross her or make her mad.
 
  So when it was discovered I had wet the bed, I was told to  take the sheets off, oh ya did I mention the part where she insisted I sleep with her in her massive king size bed because she thought I was so cute and adorable. She didn't have any kids and wanted to play mommy. Well after I wet her bed I don't think she thought I was so cute or adorable anymore.
  I was told to go downstairs for breakfast and was there about a hot minute before she blabbed to her boyfriend what horrible thing I had done to her and her king size bed with the satin sheets.
   I tried to look someplace else and not make eye contact with the look-a-like movie star sitting next to me but it was inevitable, at some point we made eye contact. I could see the empathy in his eyes and did my best to hold back the tears building but it was too late, the flood gates opened and the tears ran down my cheeks and soaked the top of my pajamas.
  My Aunt was moving about the kitchen and there was no stopping her from talking about what I had done. I swear I thought the police were going to knock on the door and arrest me for wetting her bed.   Finally even the mobster Kenny had enough. He told her to stop! He said she was making me feel bad and at that moment I looked over at my attractive blonde auntie dearest who at that moment didn't really look so beautiful to me, ( she was angry, very angry) that her boyfriend took my side and I immediately knew I was now in more trouble, if that was possible.
  
I didn't understand why I wet the bed, I just knew I couldn't stop. I did everything, no water hours before bed, I did my best to stay awake and not fall asleep, but sleep always won out. I prayed and asked God to not allow me to wet the bed, I guess he was busy with other more important requests than my not wetting the bed.

I'm not suggesting that all children who wet the bed or suck their thumb are being sexually abused. There are other reason these things could be happening, some even medical reasons however, one of those reason could be some thing is happening to your child, something you know nothing about and too awful for them to talk to you about.





 

Sunday, March 10, 2013

My description of my father in my book;

   Is my perception and I'm sure others have their own perceptions of him. One thing we would all agree on, he had a big heart and he was a sensitive man who easily teared up. He was eager to help people in trouble perhaps because he experienced trouble himself in his life.
 
 The ladies thought him to be handsome and charming. He was in my opinion a bad boy women loved to be around. He lived in the moment and made decisions that reflected those choices.  He also had many male friends who loved him and they all loved to engage in verbal sparring over everything and nothing, I assume that had to do with their ego's.
  
My sisters thought he could do no wrong. For some reason I could see the right and wrong in him.
I learned at an early age to take off those rose colored glasses when it came to people. I felt those around him were taken in my his charming personality. He clearly knew how to schmooze people, especially his wife. Perhaps I knew things about him they didn't know, things I didn't tell my sisters.
  
   You see I knew our father was in love with our Aunt. Something that should have been obvious to everyone when they were all drinking at family parties. My father confided in me one night after a party when he whispered in my ear that he loved my aunt. I wished he had kept this betrayal to himself. I was maybe twelve at the time. That day changed my life. I felt sorry for my mother, disappointment in my father, and suspicious of relationships between a man and a woman. I realized you think you know someone and then bam you are told information that makes no sense to you. information you want to deny. I wondered if my mother knew. I also wondered how he could profess his love to our mother while he actually was in loved with her sister. what did he do about this love for his wife's sister?

   My father didn't understand at 12, I didn't have the maturity to process that information. He probably never would have share information with me if he hadn't been drinking. For a long time I hoped it was the alcohol speaking in my ear but then one day after yet another party, I walked in on my father gently kissing my aunt on the forehead as he layed her on my bed after she passed out from drinking too much.
    
 I looked at men differently after that day. I didn't trust them, I was certain you just waited for them to disappoint you. I decided not to wait for that disappointment. I decided to trust and rely on myself and only myself. This disappoint coupled with the sexual abuse when I was 5, changed who I would have become. I lacked traits that are really important like trusting people, letting my guard down, and having good expectations for people and their promises. Instead I had to work through each issue which felt like running a marathon daily. I was exhausted from each battle trying to trust someone and believing in their goals for our future.
  
I hope by sharing some of my experiences with young parents, they will see some things you never confide in your children. Information that is too big a burden for young people. I share more stories in my book, "A Child Has No Voice" by Linda Ann, available on Amazon.com

  
  

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Which parent are you?

   Three sisters, three brothers, could all write about their family, their life, and all stories and accounts would be different, yet correct.
    Some children in a family are abused. Some are lucky and are not. Parents favor some children and therefore treat them differently, perhaps because those children don't give them any trouble. Children are born with their own personalities that sometimes clash with their parents personalities. Some children are stubborn, some are not. Some have colic and are fussy, some are not. Some parents don't know how to deal with their fussiness until a solution is found, some have no problems with this challenge.
    Some young parents as soon as they fulfill their dream of becoming a parent, have instant regrets
because they see how their lives have changed, some are thrilled beyond words that these bundles of joy have entered and changed their lives. Some parents see their lost freedom to do as they wanted without worrying about a small child as devastating, some think that is a small and welcomed sacrifice. Many see they are going to have to grown-up and think about someone else now and some already prepared themselves for this welcomed change.
  
                                                                      Perception!

   You may see yourself in some of the above descriptions. If you are a young parent, I want to tell you, you are the most important person to your child, more important than anyone else because you will shape who that child will become. Your job is the most important job in the world. The way your child looks into your eyes when you are nursing him or her, is a look of total admiration and love and trust. You and your spouse gave them the gift of life. How precious is that? The job ahead of you is the most important job you will have in your life. Your child wants you to succeed in being great at this job.

   Yes you will have to give some things up. Some freedom, some of the alone time you once had will be reduced, you had a child so now your mirror is telling you, your fat and ugly, but that isn't true, the mirror is wrong. You will return to your old self with some dedication, sweat, and determination, you will be back better than ever. Sexy, is an attitude and the reward for all the hard work you will do after giving birth .
  
   All you new dads that ate those craved foods right along side your wives, were eating because you too were saying good-bye to your freedom and alone time. You knew what what was coming, you talked to your buddies, you know the ones that scared the heck out of you with their horror stories about what life would be like after the birth of your child. You too can get back into shape right along side your wife, because the job you have is just as important as your wife's job. You will be the role model as well. Your child will learn everything from you. Your bad habits as well as your good ones.
A man should be the head of his household. He should lead, have patience and lift up his spouse when she is down and she should do the same for him. While you are demonstrating these personal attributes, your children are watching, listening and gathering what will be the foundation for their future. Men want respect, so respect is what they have to give. They want  compassion, so compassion is what they must give. They also want to be appreciated just as women want the same.

   The most important job you both have is the job of keeping your child safe. Safe from predators who can and will rob you of all your hard work if given the opportunity.  You have instincts, please pay attention to them. Investigate before you leave your children with neighbors, friends or even family. Listen to your children when they want to tell you something and then believe them. Remember predators threaten children. Most predators are people the children know. Notice changed behavior in your children. A lack of concentration in school is common when children are being sexually abused.
  
Parents are their biggest advocates and best role model.



  

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Children have the ability to block out their abuse.

   As if the abuse never happened. I busied myself with a myriad of things that were going on in my life. However, when I heard my abusers name, I stopped dead in my tracks, whatever I was doing and paid attention to the pit of my stomach which was doing flip flops, yet I didn't know why. This fear came over me, and I didn't know why. Children are resilient, time would pass, and I would return to my safe place of not remembering what happened to me.
   Things are not always as they seem. You will not see a child wearing a sign that says, " I'm being sexually abused help me." You are going to have to figure that out. Don't panic, your child will give you subtle hints. Please don't ignore them like my parents did because it was a relative and they didn't want to offend them.
   I whispered in my fathers ear, "Daddy please don't leave me here." my fathered laughed a nervous kind of laugh because my uncle was listening and could hear me. My parents were intimidated by my uncle because he was scary to them too.
   My parents hoped my uncle's wife would keep him in check but what they failed to realize was she too was afraid of her husband.
When I say to parents,  "Do what is right not what is easy." an example of how at the age of 7, I was sexually abused because my parents weren't brave enough to stand up for me.
   If your child  ever whispers in your ear, "Please don't leave me here", pay attention, it means something.
 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

A true story of my family's stuggles to survive tough times in post war Chicago, IL in the 1940's.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Why I emphasize choices.

   This is a true story I never shared before because it is heartbreaking and very sad.
 I learned about choices when I was growing up. I learned what choices I didn't want to make in my life. I also learned about choices from my first born child. She grew up and married the love of her life.
    My son-in-law was a Sergeant in the Sheriffs department, they had been married for 16 years, and Matt was a motor bike officer. One day he volunteered to take another officers shift so the officer could take some personal time off.
   That day as Matt came to a stop sign on a four lane street,  to his left, a 16 year old female new driver didn't see him in the right lane. She did see the car next to Matt in the left lane and when that car went through the intersection she thought that car was the only one going through the intersection. She was wrong, Matt was also going through the intersection but she didn't see him. She hit him head on. He went up in the air 20 feet and had a severe head injury that killed him after two days of the doctors trying to save his life. He and my daughter had 3 children ages 7, 10, and 12 at that time.
     I had never been to a funeral where 4,000 people attended.  As we left the service we were guided to a walkway flanked with many officers on both side.  I was forced to cover my mouth with my hand because these animal noises were coming from my mouth due to my sobbing and I found I had no control over these sounds. I was in fact shocked they were coming from me. What intensified my emotion was when I looked over at these officers and saw all of them had tears running down their cheeks and they couldn't wipe them away. They stood like statues saluting as we all walked by. If I felt like this I couldn't even imagine what my daughter must have been feeling, my guess is she was numb and still in shock from loosing her husband, her best friend.
    On our way to the Cemetary, they closed the freeway to the public and as we entered the empty freeway it felt kind of eery.  I looked up and could see on every bridge overpass, fire trucks lined up with firemen standing on top of these trucks and to the side of these trucks, each one Saluting.
    My heart was so full at that moment and I was so very proud  of my son-in -law for his service and also grateful to each of those men for their respect and love for one of their own, a fallen officer.  Matt was a man who loved and served his community and a young man who would do anything for a fellow worker, friend or family member. To say he was special is an understatement.
     As I sat in the limo on the way to the cemetery, I wondered why God takes the good ones early and leaves the bad guys here for so long.
   
    It was been 10 years since Matt's death. My daughter Tammy decided to make some choices not all of us would have or could have made, and I'm including myself in this statement. She decided to put her children first. That choice meant she put all her energy and time into helping these three children be the best they could be. She chose not to even date. She felt bringing men into her life would only complicate not only her life but most important her children's lives. Therefore she didn't have to deal with a man being jealous of her children or her children being jealous of a new man in their mothers life. Her choice meant she didn't have a spouse to lean on during those rough teenage years. It also meant she had to learn to fix things in and around the house that became broken.  Her son Graduated from college and is now in Seminary School in Portland seeking his Masters Degree, he will be a minister. Her middle daughter will Graduate from Nursing School in June and her youngest will be going off to College with 2 Scholarships. She also sings Opera, plays the Piano is a great Photographer and is talented in Art.
    All three of these children have had challenges beyond measure. When Her son was in his first year of College it was discovered he contracted Type 1 diabetes from a virus. Her middle daughter suddenly became sick and  lost 25 pounds that she couldn't really afford to lose. It was discovered when she was in High School, she had Crohn's disease. The threat of having to wear an outside bag loomed over her head.  Fortunately, the great doctors at Cedars Sinai saved her life.  Her sister also has huge stomach issues. All were very close to their father and I can't help but wonder sometimes if these illnesses might have something to do with the lose of their father. As a family they all grew up enjoying  family vacations, camping, the river trips on the houseboat etc. with all the other law enforcement families. All things that came to a halt when their father died.

    The good news is that all three of these children are thriving today and I believe in my heart this has been possible because their mother made good choices.  Choices that always put her children first.
     Here is the truth as painful as it is. It is rare to find a step-mother or step-father that will treat someone else's children like their own.  She asked for Gods help throughout this process of raising her 3 children and he answered her prayers. She stayed true to her faith and involved her children and herself in their church and christian activities, she taught them to serve the people in their community and they served in other countries on missionary trips.
    I have learned a good deal from my daughter about choices and I wanted to share with you why choices are so important to me. It's what my young parents didn't do when I was a child. They thought they were doing the best they could under difficult circumstances. Yet, they didn't have good role models or mentors to guide them. That is an advantage my daughter had. She was surrounded by great advice givers and loyal supporters, and what a difference that makes.
   This is only one chapter in her life, she is still young. Now with her last child going off to college, and as her mother, I must force myself not to interfere by go out and finding her a husband like I would like to do. It's not my fault, it's in the genes.  I too must be obedient and trust God will continue to guide her. After all, he has done an amazing job so far.
  
  
   

Sunday, December 30, 2012

It all starts with awareness.

   I went to the doctors office and I see this. It is very cold outside, so cold that when you step outside you immediately turn around and head back inside for a jacket, gloves, and perhaps even a hat to keep your head warm. You thought you could rough it but as soon as the cold air hit your face you knew you couldn't brave the cold weather without some accessories. At the doctor's office, I see out of the corner of my eye, a young mother carrying a toddler in her arms. the mother has a nice warm jacket, long pants to keep her warm and the warmth of her child against her chest. Something was off as I looked at them walking past me. While the young mom was all warm and cozy, her toddler had no jacket, no hat to keep his head warm, no socks to keep his feet warm, and no shoes. The child had a little summer outfit on in the winter and the childs feet were white from the cold, not pink. Choices, when young parents can't make good choices under these circumstances, what choices will they make or not make when someone is trying to get close to their child for devious reasons in the near future? Will this mother be able to protect this child from other circumstances that could result in abuse or neglect. It's less about us and more about the children. Awareness is where it starts.  Being aware that their child is cold too. Being aware that when you decide to have a child, it no longer is all about you. It's about that precious life you brought into the world.
  

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Someone asked me yesterday if I was constantly abused.

   If you were abused once, that abuse changed your life. In fact it's difficult for me to read some books on sexual abuse. It causes triggers for me and I didn't want to cause triggers for the reader if they had been sexually abused.
 
 In writing my book I did my best to not get too graphic of the sexual abuse. The sexual abuse is only one aspect of my book. I wanted to focus on my parents lives and the choices they made for themselves and their children, choices that didn't work.
 
 I knew I couldn't directly help one child, but my sharing my story, I hoped young parents would see how their choices can greatly effect their children. Even though my parents choices were sometimes made out of desperation, and despair. They weren't bad people, they just wanted a better life for themselves and their children. Sometimes they did what was easy rather then what was best.

 I thought if young parents could read my parents story and the mistakes they made, mistakes that caused their children great pain, they would stop and ask themselves if their choices were the best choices for their children. Sometimes we are all guilty of doing what is easy.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

My Book Press Release.


                   
 
                     
           Press Release

A young couples struggle to survive tough times and family dysfunction in post war Chicago, Illinois in the 1940’s.

“A Child Has No Voice,” is a heartbreaking true story of a 5 year olds sexual abuse when no one was watching.

GREEN VALLEY, Arizona- “A Child Has No Voice” ISBN: 1479132934, ISBN: 13:9781479132935 a true story by Linda Ann, tells of her parents struggles, their hardships, and failed attempts to make a better life for themselves and their children, failures that led to sexual abuse and abandonment.

Both Sarah and Mario had strikes against them coming into the world. Mario lost both his parents to tuberculoses when he was age 5. He was then separated from his younger brother when put on a ship sailing from Puerto Rico to the US by himself to go live with his Uncle and his jealous wife.

Sarah at age nine became the mother figure to her alcoholic abusive mother and step father’s 7 children.

Linda was inspired to write her story, hoping to bring awareness and change to both child abandonment and child sexual abuse. Her hope is that by sharing her story with young parents they will better understand the pain their choices can have on their children’s lives.

“A Child Has No Voice” is available at Amazon.com and other

 Channels. Released 12/2012                        

About the Author

Linda Ann is a native of Chicago Illinois. She is retired, married and lives in AZ.

Media Contact:

Linda Ann           www.achildhasnovoice.blogspot.com


     
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Saturday, December 1, 2012

Update!

"A Child Has No Voice" my true story is now available on Amazon.com as well.

That day is finally here.

 My book was finally released today, however it is only available on createspace e-store soon to be released on Amazon.com and other channels. Also it will be on Kindle and Nook soon.
 
  It only took me 15 years to write this little book because it was very painful and I had to put it down and then go back at a later time. I'm so glad it's completed and now I can concentrate on the walk. I want to start a walk for sexually abused children. 100% of the net proceeds from the walk will go to charities that help abused children and 50% of the net proceeds from my book will go to charities.

   It's so hard to wrap our brain around the fact that predators also sexually abuse helpless infants. Why are there 60 million survivors of sexual abuse in America?


   We walk for Breast Cancer, it's time we start a walk for sexually abused children to help bring awareness to this insidious problem. If you want to join me in this fight against child sexual abuse, leave me a private message on my Twitter account Linda Ann @nochoicenovoice or on this blog.

https://www.createspace.com/3967162
  
Together, we can make a difference for children who are being abused.




  

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A walk for survivors.......

   Would you participate in a walk for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse? It doesn't matter where you live, what State, or Country. Since the Schools are not interested in responding to my inquiry, I have to try and bring about awareness another way. I understand the schools are only interested in educating children but the kids that are being abused can't concentrate in school. They are sad, inside they feel there is no hope. They don't know what to do with all the secrets they have to keep.

 100% of the net proceeds from the walk will go to charities. This is another way to help agencies who help children who are being sexually abused.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

In order to get the schools to pay attention to how huge the problem of child sexual abuse really is...

I'm going to work on starting a March for children who have been, who are being, sexually abused.

   We have a Walk for Breast Cancer, well there are 60 million survivors of sexual abuse in America. It's time for a movement for all that have been sexually abused. Hopefully schools will then see how huge this problem really is and take action.

    This is going to be a movement for both men and women to get involved in because there is no difference in the pain abuse causes. It will be for the abandoned as well because if you were abused, someone wasn't watching you. Perhaps then the schools will see they need a program in their schools that allow children to tell the school nurse if they are being abused.  It will help stop these Predators.

   100% the net proceeds from the walk will go to agencies who help children who are or were sexually abused or abandoned. If you would like to get involved in this much needed movement for our children please contact me at nochoicenovoice@yahoo.com

Thank You,
Linda Ann

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

60 million survivors of sexual abuse in America means...

   There are many broken people who feel pain from abuse everyday. We take this baggage with us in every relationship hoping someone can fix us, make us feel whole. The reality is they can't accomplish this, no matter how much they want to. It's up to us, to work on us. We can't hand that baton of pain to anyone and expect them to do our work for us.
   
    In order to help ourselves we all have to stop being secretive about our abuse and abandonment. We are not the ones that should feel shame. Children are innocent yet they tend to take the blame and the shame as if they were responsible. I'm fascinated how uncomfortable people are when we bring up the fact that we experienced sexual abuse. You can see how uncomfortable they are with this conversation. They look away because the dialog is foreign and unthinkable to some.

    In order to change all the statistics on child sexual abuse we are going to have to step out of our comfort zone. It's up to us to decide we are no longer going to keep secrets about our abuse because we need to let people know it's a good thing to discuss what is happening to us in order to change what is happening to children all over the world.

    One baby step at a time, together we can lift each other up, encourage, and support one another. That is how we can change the statistics on child sexual abuse.

    Talk about it.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

If you are uncomfortable talking about child sexual abuse, image how uncomfortable the child is who is being sexually abused.

   Some ask, what they can do, after all they are only one person. Some are uncomfortable talking about child sexual abuse. Can you image how uncomfortable the child is who is being sexually abused? I can answer that question; demoralized, humiliated, scared, terrified, and confused. The children ask themselves why me? There is no good answer but there is an answer. " These predators are sick people and need professional help.

    Children will never make sense of child abuse or abandonment. The best thing they can do is get some professional help with someone who is experienced in this field so they can move on and be productive in their lives. Focus on everything and everyone that is important to them. Most of all, help someone else that is hurting and in pain.

   The one thing I still struggle with today and I will be very honest with you is the fact that I still to this day, am unable to forgive the person that abused me and he is now deceased.  I don't know for sure why I can't forgive him but I think it has something to do with the abused child within me.

    I know as a Christian I'm suppose to forgive if I am to be forgiven in my life. I was able to forgive my parents for their failed attempts to protect me because I'm convinced they didn't know what my uncle was doing to me.  My uncle and his wife are a very different story. I saw my Aunt at the doorway looking in the bedroom so I know she knew what her husband was doing to me, and because of this I'm also not able to forgive her. It's one thing if people don't know and another if they know and do nothing.

   Each of us can help just by making everyone we know aware of Child Sexual Abuse and asking schools to adopt a program that allows children to tell if they are being sexually abused.



Thursday, November 1, 2012

How does a predator choose their victim?

  They get close to your family and gain your trust. They see what your family needs or what they desire but can't afford and they buy that item for your family as if they were a generous good guy.

They offer to babysit your children so you the parents can go out and have a much needed good time.

They offer to buy your child things you can't afford. Your guilt is overwhelming and you agree.

They suggest a sleep over because that will give you a break.

They offer to give you a break and offer to pick your kids up from school, with the intention of grooming your child and gain their trust.

With young boys they offer to take them fishing or to a ball game. All with the intention of gaining their love and trust.

They start a dialog with your child that suggests to your child they know your child better than you. They love your child more than you.

Children only know fun and they are excited to get the gifts they weren't getting before the predator came into their life.

After all this soon they make their move.

Sometimes they don't buy anything because they use a different tactic. Especially if they are a family member. They threaten to kill the parents and siblings if their victims tells.

Look for signs and most important talk to your children and don't be afraid to tell them if anyone does anything to them, touches them, says inappropriate things to them, they can tell you anything and they won't be in trouble. They can even tell a nurse at school.

  
  
 

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Something that happened to me when I was Modeling.

   I was modeling Professionally from 12 to  19 years old on and off, during and after Modeling School.
   I was asked if I would be interested in Modeling for a Dinner House in Beverly Hills.

   I was probably 14 at the time.  My parents and my instructors thought this would be good experience for me so I agreed. I took with me a friend of my mothers, and older women who help me change outfits because we had little time to change from outfit to outfit. Marie laid out the clothes and gave me a few hundred suggestions as a changed.

   My parents decided to eat dinner at this same restaurant that night; I think they wanted to see if I was any good at Modeling since they had invested plenty of money in this Modeling School.

   We were expected to walk down each isle, stop at each table and give a description of what we where wearing, who made etc. Well I saw two men sitting at this oval booth by themselves. they appeared to be in their late thirties early forties. I couldn't imagine they would be interested in the clothing so I thought I would just slip by them on to the next table. One of the men knew that and he stopped me and said with curiousity,

"Excuse me we would like to see what you are wearing." At that point I could see them poking each other in the ribs, laughing and pretty much acting like idiots. Since I had locked away the child sexual abuse in a vault, I didn't know why I was so uncomfortable but I knew I was. He went on to say laughingly,

   "We would like to feel the material." I had on a pair of pants that hugged my thighs rather snugly and I knew I wasn't about to let him feel my thigh. I gave a quick glance over to my parents who looked like they were having a great time. I also knew I was on my own in this situation. I hadn't a clue why I was starting to perspire but I was profusely. I couldn't believe I was in this predicament.

   I found myself saying " Excuse me I'll be right back." I gave them a little smile, the same kind they gave me. I went back to my dressing area, I asked Marie to quickly help me into my  next outfit and I flew out to the two gentlemen in the booth. As I started to walk past them I stopped and said,

   "Oh that's right you wanted to feel the material of these pants." I held the pants up and gave a long boring speech about the fabric and who the designer was. I then asked if they would be interested in purchasing the pants for their girlfriend or wives. Their faces turned red as a beet. A fourteen year old just out smarted them.

   Next I went to my parents table and modeled my outfit for them. My mother said very proudly,

" You do this very well I'm pleasantly surprised." I respectfully replied,

   "Actually mom, this is your dream not mine." I knew she wouldn't reach across the table and slap me in a restaurant so I ceased the moment and said something I tried to say from day one but no one was listened. The last time I told my mother I didn't want to be a model, I was sitting in the backseat of the car. She informed me the Modeling School wanted me to go to the third and final phase which was only for those who intended  modeling to be their career. I told my parents I didn't want to go to the third phase and I only remember the sting of my mothers hand across my face. She said I was an ungrateful B- - - h. which I think hurt me more than the slap. Needless to say I continued with Modeling School.

 Just because you can do something doesn't mean you love doing it. I can also catch a football but I don't want to be a football player.
  
    Because of what happened to me as a child, I didn't like anyone touching me, or what I was wearing, and I found it humiliating changing clothes in front of strangers like waiters and busboys.

  
   
  


 

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Did you know?

   www.achildhasnovoice.blogspot.com

Two thirds of the sexual predators in jail, sexually abused children.

5.5 children out of every 10,000 preschoolers are being sexually abused.

60% of boys and 80% of girls are sexually abused by someone they know.

A report of child abuse is one every 10 seconds.

More than 5 children die everyday of child abuse.

It is estimated that there are 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse are in America today.

44% of sexual assault and rape victims are under 18 years old.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

What does a victim look like?

  www.achildhasnovoice.blogspot.com

 A victim looks like you and me. If everyone who has been abused  held a sign that said, I was sexually abused as a child, we would all be walking around in shock at the number of people in the world who have experienced this life altering terror.

   We don't have warts all over, or have two heads. We look just like you.

   If we do nothing to make a change these numbers 1 out of 4 females and 1 out of 6 males are sexually abused as children will only go one way and that is up. We can decide to take our power back and help little children. We can help children in the world and stop this abuse by putting these Predators away. Just knowing our schools have such a program will be a deterrent to these Predators. They are banking on their threats scaring children into silence.

   When my abuser threatened to kill my family, I believed him 100 percent that he would carry out his promise. Keeping his secret was easy for me. I didn't want him to kill my sisters, mother, father and he was a family member.
   
   Please call or write your local schools and ask them to adopt a program where children can tell if they are being sexually abused. Then our social workers can step in and take over.
  
   Last week I sent letters to my local schools and I'm waiting for their answers. I will keep you posted on my twitter account Linda Ann- Twitter@nochoicenovoice